Where Has All The Civility Gone?

As I’m sure many of you are aware, there is a controversy going on right now in Salt Lake about a citation that was given to a gay couple for kissing on Temple Square. Now it is not the purpose of this blog to advocate for homosexuality (I could get kicked out of BYU if it was), but the conflict has made me aware of a disturbing trend in our society. A friend of mine posted a link on Facebook to an article about the citation and many people commented on the link. One person in particular was quite sarcastic and offensive in his response. Clearly he was offended by the article and the comments deploring the church’s actions. What is baffling to me, however, is why this man saw his anger and offense as a sufficient excuse to be sarcastic and insulting.

Anyone who knows me knows that I have QUITE the temper. And my favorite way to release this anger is by expressing it verbally. My roommate often makes the observation that the angrier I get, the more articulate I get. And yet I always try to be respectful to those I am angry with. I may yell at them and disagree 100% with their position, but I never insult who they are or what they believe (at least not to their face ;) ). Unfortunately, I’m beginning to see that this is a somewhat rare phenomenon.

Apparently our society has become comfortable with visceral responses to reasonable and valid concerns. Living as a liberal in a very conservative state, I just cannot understand when people attack me and my friends with such hate! Do I get angry at the church and BYU and Provo? YES! But do I yell at my conservative friends and use biting comments to discredit their beliefs? NO! If I do happen to get into an argument with my conservative friends, I do my best to present reasoned and fair arguments, and above all I try to show that I respect my associates even if I cannot abide their opinions. I save the biting comments for a select few whom I know will not be offended. And if I know I cannot be respectful and reasonable, I refrain from the conversation. Why is this so hard for some people to do?!

Now please do not misunderstand me. I do not dream for one minute that liberals are respectful and conservatives are not. Quite the contrary! I have known many a liberal friend to be visceral, close-minded, and disrespectful in their attitudes. My problem is not with liberal v. conservative. I actually enjoy the dichotomy these two viewpoints provide in my life. But I am concerned with the general lack of respect I see in today’s debates, ESPECIALLY online debates. Maybe it is easier to be rude when you are not looking someone in the eye, but it seems to me that we need to live up to the ideals we are spouting. Liberals in Utah say they are for more acceptance and loving of all people. Christian conservatives say they follow Jesus who teaches to love one another. Reading the debates on some of these online forums, however, one would think we were involved in age-old blood feuds of the kind Shakespeare wrote.

And so I send this question out into the electronic void: Where has all the civility gone and is it gone for good? I hope not. I hope we stop and control our anger before posting on the internet. I hope we respect people that are willing to express their ideas, even if we HATE those ideas. And even if people are hateful and insulting towards us, I hope we have the self-control to respond with reason and fairness, instead of a blind defense, or worse, offense. God gave us intelligence, we should use it.