Where Has All The Civility Gone?

As I’m sure many of you are aware, there is a controversy going on right now in Salt Lake about a citation that was given to a gay couple for kissing on Temple Square. Now it is not the purpose of this blog to advocate for homosexuality (I could get kicked out of BYU if it was), but the conflict has made me aware of a disturbing trend in our society. A friend of mine posted a link on Facebook to an article about the citation and many people commented on the link. One person in particular was quite sarcastic and offensive in his response. Clearly he was offended by the article and the comments deploring the church’s actions. What is baffling to me, however, is why this man saw his anger and offense as a sufficient excuse to be sarcastic and insulting.

Anyone who knows me knows that I have QUITE the temper. And my favorite way to release this anger is by expressing it verbally. My roommate often makes the observation that the angrier I get, the more articulate I get. And yet I always try to be respectful to those I am angry with. I may yell at them and disagree 100% with their position, but I never insult who they are or what they believe (at least not to their face ;) ). Unfortunately, I’m beginning to see that this is a somewhat rare phenomenon.

Apparently our society has become comfortable with visceral responses to reasonable and valid concerns. Living as a liberal in a very conservative state, I just cannot understand when people attack me and my friends with such hate! Do I get angry at the church and BYU and Provo? YES! But do I yell at my conservative friends and use biting comments to discredit their beliefs? NO! If I do happen to get into an argument with my conservative friends, I do my best to present reasoned and fair arguments, and above all I try to show that I respect my associates even if I cannot abide their opinions. I save the biting comments for a select few whom I know will not be offended. And if I know I cannot be respectful and reasonable, I refrain from the conversation. Why is this so hard for some people to do?!

Now please do not misunderstand me. I do not dream for one minute that liberals are respectful and conservatives are not. Quite the contrary! I have known many a liberal friend to be visceral, close-minded, and disrespectful in their attitudes. My problem is not with liberal v. conservative. I actually enjoy the dichotomy these two viewpoints provide in my life. But I am concerned with the general lack of respect I see in today’s debates, ESPECIALLY online debates. Maybe it is easier to be rude when you are not looking someone in the eye, but it seems to me that we need to live up to the ideals we are spouting. Liberals in Utah say they are for more acceptance and loving of all people. Christian conservatives say they follow Jesus who teaches to love one another. Reading the debates on some of these online forums, however, one would think we were involved in age-old blood feuds of the kind Shakespeare wrote.

And so I send this question out into the electronic void: Where has all the civility gone and is it gone for good? I hope not. I hope we stop and control our anger before posting on the internet. I hope we respect people that are willing to express their ideas, even if we HATE those ideas. And even if people are hateful and insulting towards us, I hope we have the self-control to respond with reason and fairness, instead of a blind defense, or worse, offense. God gave us intelligence, we should use it.

In case you don't already have a reason to vote, take some of mine...

***This was originally posted on November 4th, 2008 (Election Day). I published it on my travel blog, but I felt it was more at home here, so I moved it over.***



A lot of people have been telling us to vote this year: celebrities, candidates, teachers, friends, strangers. But I still find many people that tell me they probably won't vote this election. A lot of people cite the fact that they don't really like any of the candidates and that they are sick of choosing the lesser of two evils. They say that one vote doesn't really count, and that they aren't really educated on the issues.

While I wish the above wasn't true, I have to concede that those are all valid reasons for not voting. One vote really doesn't count. It doesn't. Not in an national election anyway. Even in Florida, where it was so close, that was still 587 votes, not one. But I suppose that it could count in a city council election, or maybe in a state race. And after all, isn't that why we vote? I mean how much power does the president have over your daily life? Does he decide how much your speeding ticket is gonna cost you? Or where you can park your car? Does he decide how your school is going to be run, or how clean your city park is going to be, or how good public transportation is, or when hunting season ends? Probably not. But your local leaders do, and in those races, I'd like to venture that your vote really does count. So that's one reason...

Here's another: Voting is a fundamental part of this country's founding and identity. You honestly can't call yourself American if you don't vote because voting and having a voice was what it was all about back in 1776. The colonies weren't protesting taxes. That's not why they dumped a bunch of tea into a harbor. When you think about it, they had some of the lightest taxes in the British Kingdom, certainly less than what people that lived in England were paying. No, the reason they dumped the tea, the reason they started a war, and the reason they founded a country was because they didn't get to be apart of the decision to have taxes. No taxation without representation. That's what started this whole thing. That's what the founding fathers risked everything for. That's what our ancestors died for. That's what this country is founded upon. Voting. Representation. Having a voice. So there's another reason...

And now I'd like to add one more, that is a little more personal to me. I am personally asking you to vote today because you can. Because you know that no matter who or what you vote for, you can be assured that it will be counted and recorded and if you are with the majority, it will be enacted. As many of you know, I work in International Development. I spend my time learning about impoverished, oppressed nations that have little in the way of comfort, human rights, or even basic dignity. This summer, I went to Southeast Asia and visited Burma. Many people heard about Burma because of the Tsunami. In one day entire villages were swept away, thousands of people died, and fields full of rice were destroyed. People were starving. In the midst of all this, the military dictatorship forced people to stop scavenging for food and shelter (I say scavenging because the government was certainly not providing them with any help) and made them go vote for a bogus constitution that would "legitimize" the illegal and brutal regime there. And if you didn't vote in favor of the constitutional referendum, there was a good chance you would be beaten, or even killed. Oh, and the reason they need a constitutional referendum to "legitimize" their dictatorship is because some years ago, the country held a democratic election and elected Aung San Suu Kyi, a nobel peace prize winner. But of course the military dicatorship didn't like this result very much so she's been under house arrest for 15 years while her supporters have been beaten to death in prison.

Then there was the elections in Zimbabwe this summer. The dictator there has effectively destroyed the country, but fortunately there was a man smart enough and brave enough to challenge President Mugabe in a democratic election. Unfortunately, this man (who had already won a majority in a general election) was in so much danger that he had to flee the country while his supporters were beaten in the street by government-supported goons. President Mugabe won a second general election shortly thereafter.

Now I know that it's annoying to have everyone yelling at you to vote, and even more annoying to have someone guilt you into voting but I want to leave you all with this thought. When I was in Thailand I passed by a humble political rally one day. I asked one of the volunteers what the rally was about and she explained that it was a rally encouraging the Thai people to protect their constitution. The volunteer then asked where I was from. When I told her I was from America, she spent the next ten minutes explaining to me how wonderful my constitution was, that it's been around for two hundred years and that I was so lucky because my leaders had to follow what the constitution said no matter what. She just kept saying over and over how wonderful my constitution was and how lucky I was to have it and how lucky I was that I could vote because of it and that I could hold my leaders accountable because of it. She said I was lucky because I had so much power, so many rights...

I can't make the elections in Zimbabwe free and fair. I can't overthrow the brutal dictatorship in Burma. I can't even stop the recent coup that is destroying the Thai constitution. But I can respect all the people that suffer through these scenarios by exercising the gift and the right that I have been blessed to receive. Please, don't insult their hardships by tossing away the privilege you have like it was some kind of annoyance or burden. Vote. Vote because it counts. Vote because it's American. Vote because you know it will be counted, recorded, and adhered to. Vote simply because you can, and that is a rare and beautiful thing.

Ladies and Gentlemen

For those of you that have stumbled upon this, I thought a brief introduction was in order. My name is Shannon and I am a student at Brigham Young University in Provo, Utah. Now I am sure that with this tiny bit of information, you are already forming several opinions and impressions of me. While this is fine and dandy, and even welcome (for why do we provide information about ourselves if not to create an impression), let me guide you away from some of the more obvious impressions. I am not Mormon, although I was when I came to school. And I continue to attend BYU despite my recent fall from grace.

Many of my friends ask me why I would choose to do this, and even more so how it is possible. To the latter, it is actually surprisingly easy if you are willing to live a clean life. To the former, I like my major, my job, my friends, and my mentors and am loath to start all over at a new school. Especially when one considers that I SHOULD have graduated a year ago. But I digress. I am a Sociology Major with a minor in International Development. What that sentence really means is that I have an over-developed sense of justice and have decided to spend my life studying injustice and how to rectify it. This will probably result in me being generally distressed and not much fun at a party, but it also happens to be the thing I am most passionate about and will therefore do it till my dying day, (or at least until I have a mental breakdown and retire to New Zealand).

Now for the reason I am starting this new blog. As I was reading a two-page email I had written aloud to my roommate today, she commented on "how is it that you're so damn articulate?" This reminded me about how often I was complemented on my writing in high school (granted, half of the complements come from my mother and therefore do not count, but still). It also reminded me how much I truly enjoy writing (as indicated by the two-page emails that are not difficult for me to conjure up). Couple this with my over-active sense of justice and as my roommate puts it, my "need to have an opinion about EVERYTHING", I realized I should start keeping a regular blog. Posts will most likely range from rants about societal injustice, intellectual exploration of the complicated world of development, inter- and intra- personal discoveries and wonderings, and of course, the paradoxical experience of being an ex-Mormon in Provo AND attending BYU. Read at your own risk and above all, enjoy.