For those of you that have stumbled upon this, I thought a brief introduction was in order. My name is Shannon and I am a student at Brigham Young University in Provo, Utah. Now I am sure that with this tiny bit of information, you are already forming several opinions and impressions of me. While this is fine and dandy, and even welcome (for why do we provide information about ourselves if not to create an impression), let me guide you away from some of the more obvious impressions. I am not Mormon, although I was when I came to school. And I continue to attend BYU despite my recent fall from grace.
Many of my friends ask me why I would choose to do this, and even more so how it is possible. To the latter, it is actually surprisingly easy if you are willing to live a clean life. To the former, I like my major, my job, my friends, and my mentors and am loath to start all over at a new school. Especially when one considers that I SHOULD have graduated a year ago. But I digress. I am a Sociology Major with a minor in International Development. What that sentence really means is that I have an over-developed sense of justice and have decided to spend my life studying injustice and how to rectify it. This will probably result in me being generally distressed and not much fun at a party, but it also happens to be the thing I am most passionate about and will therefore do it till my dying day, (or at least until I have a mental breakdown and retire to New Zealand).
Now for the reason I am starting this new blog. As I was reading a two-page email I had written aloud to my roommate today, she commented on "how is it that you're so damn articulate?" This reminded me about how often I was complemented on my writing in high school (granted, half of the complements come from my mother and therefore do not count, but still). It also reminded me how much I truly enjoy writing (as indicated by the two-page emails that are not difficult for me to conjure up). Couple this with my over-active sense of justice and as my roommate puts it, my "need to have an opinion about EVERYTHING", I realized I should start keeping a regular blog. Posts will most likely range from rants about societal injustice, intellectual exploration of the complicated world of development, inter- and intra- personal discoveries and wonderings, and of course, the paradoxical experience of being an ex-Mormon in Provo AND attending BYU. Read at your own risk and above all, enjoy.
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I think I was the recipient of that two-page email. :)
ReplyDeleteIndeed you were!
ReplyDeleteShannon,
ReplyDeleteI am a bit confused as to how you are truly an exmo at BYU (when I say "truly" I mean formal resignation)?
According to my understanding of the honor code, disaffiliation from the church will "generally result in withdrawal of ecclesiastical endorsements and in discontinuance of enrollment from the university" I realize that this says "generally", but it seems that barring exceptional circumstances you get the boot upon resignation.
Did you actually seek an exception to this rule? Or have you simply "kept up appearances" so to speak before your church leaders, and are actually exmo in heart not deed?
I ask because I have been in a similar situation for the past several years and am simply curious as I personally have dared not attempt to flirt with expulsion at the hands of the honor code nazis. Thanks!
Hi J, no problem. I have never had an appropriate fear of the honor code (much to the chagrin of some of my close friends who ARE worried that I'm going to get myself expelled) so I would never presume to tell you not to keep up appearances to avoid expulsion. Having said that, I don't keep up appearances so much as live within certain boundaries.
ReplyDeleteI have no desire to excommunicate myself from the church (why bother? I don't HATE the church) so in that regard I'm not officially disassociating myself from the church. I am also very careful to keep the parts of the honor code that could get me kicked out (like not drinking alcohol or publicly advocating for gay rights). Other than that, I have just been very honest with my church leaders. At my endorsement interview, I state that I do not believe in the church anymore, but I still want to go to BYU and I keep the honor code for the most part. I have to go to an LDS sacrament meeting every other week at my job, and that's all the church I can attend because I work at a residential treatment center for troubled teens (something that would clearly fall in the ox and the mire category since the kids need 24/7 supervision) so I go to my church meetings. I answered all the questions in the interview satisfactorily and honestly so I got my endorsement.
I am very honest about my views and I live a clean life. I let people think and feel the way they want about God and religion, and even respect their faith and dedication. I surround myself with people that afford me the same courtesy. No one has yet expressed a desire or a threat of expulsion. If they do, I would immediately change my behavior to fit their specifications, but until then, I want to be myself.
Thanks for the response. I mentioned earlier that I dare not flirt with explusion at the hands of the honor code nazis, not because I fear them, but because I am fully aware of their past (and current) agenda of stamping out any individual that does not conform to BYU's "standards" (and that includes those that have "apostacized").
ReplyDeleteI was skeptical in assuming that you had formally disassociated yourself from the church through resignation or excommunication while maintaining your current status as a BYU student, and indeed you have not officially left the church. While I can understand why you wouldn't take your name of the records (especially if you in fact knew that such would very likely lead to your automatic expulsion), I can think of many good reasons why taking your name off the records would be the principled thing to do. For example, it appears that you at least internally advocate for GLBT rights. I am sure that you are aware of the recent Prop 8 fiasco, and are also at least somewhat aware of the church's past forays into curtailing or eliminating the rights of the GLBT community. Not to mention BYU's history of GLBT persecution. Why would anyone keep their name officially on the list of an organization that has been involved, and continues to be involved in such atrocities?
I really do think that you played a round of Russian roulette, but dodged the bullet when you openly professed your disbelief to your bishop. Your bishop is apparently pretty chill, but you definitely took your chances on that one. Apostacy is grounds for an obligatory disciplinary council and plenty of folks have been excommunicated for apostacy throughout the years. Whether you would be considered an apostate according to the most recent church handbook imho is debatable, but many (I dare say most) bishops would consider you to be in apostacy. Seems to me that you have been very lucky in that regard. I am glad that things have worked out well and truly hope that you are never threatened with expulsion.
I know you IRL and always thought that you were an open and accepting individual, quite unlike the masses that make up BYU, obsessed with orthodoxy, conformity, and obedience. I truly wish you the best!
J, now you've got me all curious as to who you are! You should contact me via facebook or email and let me know ;). As for excommunicating myself... The catalyst for me leaving the church was the Prop 8 debacle. I had been struggling with the church for about a year prior to the most recent elections, but the Prop 8 thing was the proverbial straw that broke the camel's back.
ReplyDeleteBe that as it may, I still don't hate the church so much as to want my name removed. I am very disappointed with the church, I do not agree with their actions, and I don't want to be apart of an organization that behaves in such a manner, but at the same time, it doesn't really matter to me if my name is on the records or not. I mean, as long as I am at BYU I absolutely need to remain an official member, but once I leave I still probably won't go to the effort to remove my name. For one thing, I don't see the point. I know I'm not a member in my heart, what does it matter if a piece of paper says I am or not? For another, it would take a lot of effort and require a certain amount of animosity that I don't want to have in my life. I've finally reached an emotional space where I am happy and I just want to be left alone. I feel so free right now, and going to the effort to remove my name would start the fight all over again.
Lastly, I know that whether I remove my name or not, I will always be Mormon. I was Mormon for 23 years, my family is Mormon. I grew up 15 minutes from Palmyra, NY. My summer job growing up was maintaining the church sites there. There is only a handful of people on this earth that has spent more time in the Sacred Grove than I, and most of them were my bosses. Being Mormon is apart of who I am. It is a part that I no longer believe in, but it is still there and it will always be there. I understand that and accept that. Taking my name off the records won't change that.
You are probably right about the russian roulette. As I said before, I don't have an appropriate fear of the power of the honor code, although I am beginning to develop one. I will say that I don't consider myself to be an apostate. I don't believe anymore, but does that make me an apostate? I was always under the impression that an apostate actively and openly works against the church and tries to undermine it's members. I respect my friends belief, and while I speak out against certain policies like the honor code, I don't challenge the Book of Mormon or the 12 as leaders of this church. To me, there is a big difference between not having a testimony or not being a believer and being an apostate. Maybe I'm mistaken...